Ungirlfriendable Production Diary

Trailer for first go-round of film. Actually, a trailer for a trailer. It was originally intended to be used to show potential investors the project and get in on it. We all know the story of how it was made, so it's just a first-run at the material.

August 16th, 2006

“How you doing Oliver?”

Wow, six month gap since my last entry here! I took a hiatus from the film for a few months and have gotten back into it in July. There were extenuating circumstances that kept me from shooting and I needed a break. A few weeks back, I made a trip to Austin, picked up Brian, did two short scenes at a friend’s house, with the green screen of course, and then bolted down to Houston. We set up the green screen that night and started shooting scenes on Sunday. One or two actresses didn’t show, as usual, which was fine, because I overbooked. We then shot back up to Dallas to get a few last scenes done in my sister’s garage, which was by far the hottest and worst location of all. In evidence is a very sweaty Brian in those scenes. We even had a lull in shooting and napped inside, where I subjected everyone to my convulsing sleep apnea and snoring. Because of the heat, we had to take hydrating breaks and cool off in the house. The heat was so exhausting, we decided to finish up the following day.

The next day, we made a trip to Forestburg to shoot some exterior shots, mainly Murphy running from getting shot at and screaming about getting pussy. We were out in the country on my friend’s 400-acre ranch, so Brian could yell about pussy as loud as he could. For the running from bullets, I bought a few boxes of good ol’ popping firecrackers. Much to my chagrin, an assload of lit firecrackers were thrown at my feet over the course of the day. And someone threw a lit one into my car, sending lovely chunks of whatever that grey stuff is inside a firecracker. I’m not mentioning names, but “someone” then thought it would be cool to put a lit firecracker into a water bottle and close it up, inside my car! POOF! The bottle cracked and leaked all inside the car. “It usually doesn’t do that.” You expect the water to just bubble a little and get tickled? Tee hee. Butthole.

Back to Dallas Brian and I went to finish up the last few scenes of Murphy doing random things. Just two weekends ago now, I went back down to Austin to fill in some more gaps with Brian and hopefully his tasks are complete. Allison is in Fort Worth now chilling with her family a bit before she takes off for Los Angeles. Yes, she’s going to put in her time out in La-La Land. Good luck. I had the fortune of getting her to come over to my place to shoot a few loose ends. A few of those loose ends had to do with her character introducing several of her Murphy-like boyfriends to Murphy. I only got three guys to play the parts, me, my cousin Donavon and my Dad. My brother-in-law still hasn’t returned my call to be in the movie and I saw him the past Sunday. Hmm. Having my Dad in the movie was a treat and I get a good chuckle out of seeing him in it every time.

All this has been edited together into a 2-hour 8-minute mini-epic, as I call it. I’d like to get it down to less than 100 minutes, but it’s going to be difficult. I know which scenes can be trimmed and I have a scene that might just go away completely, sorry to whoever is in those scenes. The third act is a bit sluggish and that’s where trimming will start. I watched it the entire way through with no commercial interruptions yesterday and I have to say I am very happy with the movie! I am digging it. By golly, I have to say that it’s good! It has come together into a cohesive whole and it’s only going to get better. I still have 97% of the backgrounds to shoot and I’m not completely done with people in the backgrounds yet. I still have a few cutaways of random office people needed, people in a restaurant, bar people, lesbians, high school students, people in cars. Believe it or not, I still haven’t filmed my oil wrestling girls! I’ve had three sets of girls bail on me! Pshaw! It’s all quite daunting, the tasks ahead, but it’s slowly getting there.

Pretty soon, I’ll have some documents drawn up pertaining to Deferred Payment upon sale of the movie. I want to thank everyone for being a part of this film, and in due time I’ll get more scenes up on the site once I get the backgrounds in. Yay!

February 20th, 2006

“So the airbags were deployed?”

Yes, the airbags fluffed up in my face real nice. “What is this about airbags?” you are asking yourself. I’ll tell you why. Sunday night at about 8pm, I finally got my 2003 black Honda Element packed from floor to ceiling, from the back the front, as I removed the back two seats. I got everything from the set packed into my vehicle, minus the four large four by four green screen flats, which Brian was so kind to store for me until I come and get them. Brooke and I got back into Dallas and I went by my office to get Brooke back into her car. We then made the last part of the journey to my house. I was probably one and a half miles from my exit and I hit a patch of some of the slickest, coldest, wettest, stinkiest ice on the road. Ain’t no amount of correcting any NASCAR driver could do to get himself out of that one. I went about 55 miles per hour into the guard rail on Highway 75 going just over the Stacy exit in Fairview, TX. As I thought to myself, this is probably going to hurt and it looks like I might be going down that hill to certain death, the air filled with this horrid burnt stench and this big, poofy bag of shower curtain material popped me right in the face, gullet and chest. My glasses flew off into another county and once I had stopped, I removed my seatbelt, opened my door and called Brooke, “I wrecked my car.” She said she slipped a little and slowed way down and then she joined me on the side of the road. Adrenaline was quickly pulsing through my veins and I was a bit dazed, but I quickly went about searching for my glasses, which I found on the road under the driver’s side. The right stem plastic was cracked and bent way to the side, but I just bent it back and I’m wearing them right now to report this culmination to the shittiest shooting weekend yet.

A police officer arrived at the site and helped us out. I got a private tow to my house so I could unload. So far, 90% of my stuff seems nicely intact, including my un-insured HDV camera, lights, digital camera, portable DVD player and amazingly enough, my MP3 player, which was just under the dashboard. Everyone is of course thinking to themselves, who cares about all that stuff just as long as you’re ok. Well, I just spent the better part of twelve entire days filming a movie and spending 75% of my paychecks to get it done. All of the tapes I shot the movie on were in my backpack and in the camera bag. They are all good, so someone wants to see this movie get made, but that someone really hates my car. They must also want me to finish it. I have the normal seatbelt bruises (a really great raspberry along the bottom of my right boob and some good bruises all around my stomach from the seatbelt and airbag), a blackened nose(not broken, but will probably soon be mostly black), an abrasion on my wrist (most likely from my flying suitcase, which was on top of everything and right in the middle and it flew right at the windshield, but only left a minimal spider crack and snapped off the rearview mirror) and a nice shiny bruise on my left knee from hitting the dashboard. I am awaiting an appraisal from my insurance company tomorrow to see if the car is totaled. I’d like to remain optimistic and think otherwise. I’ll get some pics of the aftermath up soon enough.

As for the shoot and why it was sucky, it just was. We got to Austin around 2am on Saturday morning and I set up everything on the set and we went to bed. Christie Gonzalez called me at 10am or so asking how to get to the location, as I failed to send directions, which I do a lot. She got out there and Brian soon followed. Since Christie got there first, I went ahead and got her into her cavewoman outfit which Brooke sewed together on Thursday night. I bought some spirit gum and crepe hair so I could attach one big eyebrow on her forehead and a last minute purchase of a dog-bone that she could put in her hair. Seeing that we were shooting in the country, it was easy to find a tree branch that she could hold as her club. I had her stand there and do some grimaces, act like an ape and swing the club around angrily. Funny stuff. We then went right into the interaction of Bertha and Murphy, which is when Murphy gets to his destination at the end after crazy lesbians, near testicular removal and a hand cannon being fired at him. Bertha opens the door and punches him right in the face. I mixed up a batch of Karo syrup and red food coloring and made some very unconvincing blood. I poured it onto Brian’s lips and into his nostrils and we shot the scene. It went smoothly and Christie’s fiancé, Paul, and pooch, Blue(as in, “You’re my boy Blue!”), sat quietly watching the show.

Earlier in the week, I sent out e-mails to probably fifteen actresses to see if they might be able drop by the set and fill in for a role. Some said they could, but none showed up. Also, for the third time, the oil wrestling girls failed to show up. Very frustrating and disappointing to say the least, but we moved on. We then just set about shooting all the random Murphy stuff where he is by himself screwing up his life. We started with the Willy Wonka dream sequence, which I was going to do last because it’s a superfluous scene and it may not even end up in the final version. On Thursday night before the shoot, I set up the boom and microphone in my room, put “Pure Imagination” on a CD and went about singing along to the tune into the mic. I have to hand it to singers coming in on the beat and getting the words right. I was doing something like karaoke without the cues and singing a completely different set of lyrics. Difficult, it was. I piece-mealed it together at work and spent two or three hours aligning the best bits of singing but it was well past the time we needed to leave, so I quickly threw the track on along with the video onto a DVD. It was sort of a last minute decision to do a shot for shot remake of the “Pure Imagination” scene. Let’s just say it’s amazingly difficult to mimic the genius of Gene Wilder. No one can get his crazy stair down or even the most subtle double-take in cinematic history. Brian got super frustrated singing along with the DVD and having to sing our lyrics over the singing of Mr. Wilder. We got through all the lip-synching and shots, but we still lack one shot that we never seemed to have gotten around to.

We got through all that and I decided that I needed to go into town to get some HDV mini-DV tapes and it was a very un-professional and childish move to get a bottle of vodka so we could go about doing some scenes drunk, much like we did on the making of the trailer. No one had the tapes, so just got the booze and headed back. We got a few things accomplished and then it went careening into madness as we nearly cleaned out a 750ml bottle of Skyy vodka and tonic. We got into some very drunk storytelling and Brooke got justifiably upset at the both of us, but mostly me for letting it happen in the first place. It was a way of letting off steam for so many things that just haven’t been accomplished yet on this movie.

SUNDAY. Allison dropped by and called to say, come open the door, it’s freezing outside. We laid out the mattress in the hallway for Brian to crash on the night before and Toni was really upset about that. Understandable. It was a completely spastic and dumb weekend. We started off hosing down Brian and Allison to do some re-shoots on the poolside scene which went very smoothly and quickly and then did a few other shots that were needed and then it was time for Brian and myself to rid ourselves of facial hair. This past week I rewrote the beginning dropping the junior high dance in favor of starting with high school age Murphy getting shot down by girls whom he asks to go to the dance with. He asks out a total of three girls, who will all be shot at a different time and composited into the shot. We had quite a time getting our beards to go away and did some experimenting with curling Brian’s hair and gelling it and finally it just ended up looking like it does in the rest of the movie but sort of straight down the sides of his face. I greased up my hair and parted it and donned some hideous glasses I picked up at Goodwill and Toby was born. Allison brought her two retainers to get the required slurred speech I wanted and added her own little lilt to it that made her hilarious. We attempted some gelling of her hair as well to try and get that front hair bubble that was so popular back in the late eighties. We got through all those scenes and Brian did some camera work to get my acting shots. At some point in the process, Brian finally managed to completely crawl under the skin of Brooke and that was that. I’m not going to go into details about that whole situation, but it wasn’t fun for anyone.

The shoot at Toni’s place is over. We made it through without burning the place down or getting anyone seriously injured. We did manage to completely blow a circuit breaker in the garage and laid waste to Toni’s futon, but other than that, you could hardly tell we were ever there. We sweeped up, tore everything down, packed it in bags and stuffed our cars. We said our goodbyes and thanks and I smashed my car into a guard rail three miles from my final destination. I tested the limits of my relationship with Brooke with this shoot and we managed to come out the other side stronger. It is a true test for a relationship to make it through a movie shoot together and not kill one another or part ways. The movie making process on this film has been a laborious and exhausting journey and I hope it bodes well for all involved and out of this tragedy comes a hilarious and award-winning film. Thanks to everyone who helped out, but don’t get to relaxed, there is still more filming to do and it will be a lengthy process to reach completion.

February 14th, 2006

“Punch her in the uterus.”

(That is a quote from Jon. I wasn't there for the birth of the phrase but it became a wonderful euphemism for the weekend as we talked about people we would like to beat-up, or punch in a hard to reach spot. -JC)

Thought I’d better get started on this weekend’s journal before the three people that read it start asking questions. I would call the weekend somewhat of a disaster. Since Jon will starting filming his vampire romance movie next month, I thought I’d give him a taste of how difficult it is to schedule. I gave him a list of names and scenes that needed to be done. He set forth on this mission and found out it wasn’t easy at all, especially when you need to schedule people to be there just a few hours, do their thing and take off, a kind of scheduling that doesn’t work for making films. We have managed to make it work for the most part, since we’re at one location and we can basically stop what we’re doing and set up another scene. For the most part, everyone got there, but most were confused as Jon sent out the fifth schedule revision. My apologies for the mishap. Jon is fired from scheduling and I hope he learned something from it.

The weekend wasn’t a total loss, but I was. My “A” game went out the window on Saturday and bled into Sunday as well. For the first time, we ventured into Austin to accommodate an actor’s schedule, set up the green screen in John Handem’s apartment, a UT film student and friend of Jon’s. Jon stepped in to fill the role of the Preacher, marrying Murphy and Paula. His costume was $6 worth of black material from Walmart, cutting a slit in the middle and then folding up a napkin for the white collar tie or whatever that thing is. In high definition, people may see that it is indeed a napkin. We then moved outside of the apartments and had Handem fill in the role of black guy who drives off with Paula. He backed his car up into frame, Paula got in the car, kissed him and threw her panties out the window. One take and we’re on our way back to Lago Vista to greet Da Big Daddy G.

We arrived about a half hour late and I had to get the set in working order before we started shooting, so we ended up getting an hour behind, but G was very gracious. G had a first on the set, which came in the form of a personal assistant. I’m not sure if he knew it but he had the assistant costume down to a T. Jeans, t-shirt, tan blazer and baseball cap, not to mention an ear/microphone cell phone piece. The set was set and G was in his costume and he did his thing. I rewrote a scene, one in which Murphy gets his pants wet in the bathroom via the sink. In the new scene, he pisses himself standing next to a guy at the urinals. I decided to have G step in as Guy at Urinal. Had one of those nice uncomfortable moments where you have to stand next to someone to take a pee. In Murphy’s nervousness, G looks down at Murphy’s crotch and tells Murphy he’s peeing on himself. G added another great comical moment, for me at least, “Ay cabron, your pissing on yourself, now I have to clean that up,” he flushes and walks away and as he does he calls Murphy a “baboso.” It doesn’t translate too well into English, as I just looked it up and it means “drooler.” Could also be “foolish” or “immature person.” Anyhow, it was funny to me. Covered a few angles on that scene and G was set free back into the wild. He is starting up a new show show be sure to check that out: www.dabigdaddygshow.com.

Next up, Leya came back to do some re-shoots. A good majority of us believed that her outfit was not so hot, so I wanted to see if she could wear something sexier, with more cleavage. She definitely delivered. She showed me the new outfit and we went right into that scene and I took some photos that will be included in the February 2006 issue of “BALLZ,” a fictitious magazine I created that is in the vein of Maxim or Stuff. I displayed my inability to be a model photographer. I can see how it wouldn’t be so difficult, but I definitely would need to read up on poses and getting facial expressions that I would want. I’ve seen my fair share of photo shoots in these magazines, so you’d think I’d know what to do. I probably took 30 pictures and maybe five are good. That seems to be how many are in a regular photo shoot and I always wonder why there aren’t more. Now I know, the rest of the photos suck!

Juanita then showed up and I was really at a loss as to what I needed her for. She did her dance routine the previous weekend. Then Brandon got there and we got him in a dress and wig and he wasn’t too excited. It did amp up the funny though. As my brain turned to doo doo, I had six people screaming questions as to what I wanted to do in this scene. The scene called for Skyler to swing in on a vine like Tarzan and be dressed like Liza Minelli, a favorite amongst drag queens. He looked more like a white Tina Turner. The next thing in the script was a microphone stand rising up from nowhere and he breaks into a lip sync routine, none of which I had planned out or recalled that being written. I scrapped that and just went for an old-fashioned 80s style dance-off. Juanita would do some moves and then Brandon would bust out. Brandon had the issue of only being able to move his arms, so he was limited. Even with his limitations, he had some damn funny moves. Homeboy can dance! He had an audience of five or so and we were all laughing, so I guess it turned out all right.

We then had Amanda Rivas on the call list and she was running behind and getting lost on the way to our set out in the boonies. She later told us that she called her mom telling her to call the police if she didn’t get back to her in due time as he car kept traveling further into the countryside, which is where, I would assume it is easier to get rid of a body and most people that go missing do it in the middle of nowhere. I think her mind was set a little at ease when she found we weren’t mass murderers and had lighting equipment and a sweet-ass video camera set up. I had her step in on scene I hadn’t gotten done and once again compromised for the shot, at which time I dubbed the movie, “Compromise-friendable.” I then had everyone leave, so she could do her other shot where she shows up at Murphy’s door in a long coat, opens it and reveals some skimpy lingerie beneath. I was just as surprised as Brian with what was under the coat, which was indeed some very sexy lingerie displayed on a very nice-looking model. The scene then called for her to leave with her hair disheveled and clothes hanging off haphazardly. She went with one boot off and see saw walked out of frame, which was humorous in of itself. Thank you Amanda for making the trip and thanks for bringing the splendiferous outfit.

Once again, I had two very short scenes to do with Brandon and we did the short take, which is what is scripted, and what we dubbed the “epic take,” which is where Brandon is unleashed. The scene calls for Murphy to be at his desk drawing his comic strip and talking to the character who comes alive on the page and they have a conversation. The conversation ends with Murphy telling the character, “You’ll get some pussy alright.” In this instance, Skyler walks by the office and hears this. He pops back in, “That’s right, next round of snatch is on Murphy.” I don’t know where it came from, but in Brandon’s take on it, he pops back in and takes it somewhere else, “What did you say? That’s what I want to hear. You are getting the next round of pussy.” He then turns into the common area of the office and starts talking to random people in the office who aren’t there, “Hey dickweed, drop what you’re doing and listen. And Liz, shut the fuck up! You’re a lesbian, so you’re not included, and Danny, what? Are you gay? Fine, you’re out. Everybody else, Murphy’s getting us some pussy.” I am paraphrasing of course, but Brandon never does the same take twice.

I then set up a green board to simulate a bathroom stall wall, in which Skyler climbs over to find Murphy in the next stall banging his head against the metal wall. Skyler simply has to say, “I’m assuming you’re in here has something to do with your pants missing. I know I can’t talk you outta there, so Andrea just told me to remind you of her shindig tonight. You’re gonna go and we’re going to get some of the stinkiest pussy this side of 35.” Granted, that is several lines, but it’s just a base for which Brandon builds a skyscraper upon. He pops over the stall and drops a Ballz magazine down to Murphy. Here we go, once again paraphrasing from memory, “Check out these Ballz(he reveals the magazine and drops it, one time landing square on Brian’s forehead, just a half inch away from lossing Brian’s eyeball, as Brian was lying on the floor looking up at Brandon for an eyeline) I’m guessing you’re in here because your pants are missing or because everyone saw your small penis, which was really funny by the way. I don’t care. Andrea’s having a party tonight and you’re gonna go. I hear a rumor that Andy’s giving it up and I’m gonna get a piece. This party is gonna be packed with pussy and you’re going to get some. I’m going to get us some of the stinkiest, gooeyist, slick pudding skin gash. Clean yourself up.” Golden. If Brandon’s reading this, yes, I appreciate your performance more than you could imagine and in a sincere moment you expressed you really appreciated being a part of my project and getting this experience and I thought you were joking, but it was real and I am thankful you’re on this movie and it has been a blast.

Sunday was mostly a bust. Lou McKinley showed up a little late as she got totally lost trying to get to us, which is quite understandable. We got her into her costume and I told her of my new idea for the scene. It involved her un-buttoning her police officer shirt and revealing a t-shirt beneath that reads, “I Heart MUFF.” Brooke got the materials and made the shirt the night before, and after it was all done, we figured with the money we spent on all the letters and the shirt itself, we could have gotten it professionally done somewhere and the shirt would be washable. If this shirt is washed once, everything will fall right off. Lou stuck around for a bit while we waited on Two Girls to come and do the oil-wrestling scene. They never showed, for the second time, and once again it was a legitimate reason. She is just on a bad-luck streak. :( We then dubbed this time “nap-time!” That was a supreme idea and Brooke and I got in a nice 2-hour nap. Sweet.

Allison then arrived and we shot lots of little stuff that will be used as Murphy’s thoughts throughout the movie. Brian forgot his wardrobe for the post-jumping-in-pool scene, so in a moment of crisis and thinking we should just scrap the day, I decided we would clean up the set early and take the set to Brian’s apartment. It took a few hours to clean the set and pack up the car, as I’ve taken more down to Austin with each trip, so I thought it might be a good idea to take a big load to get rid of some things. I then got to Brian’s pad, took an hour to get prepped and then had Brian and Allison get wet in the shower. They then came down to the kitchen, on the tiles and shot the scene. The screen was really wrinkly and it will probably have to be re-shot, but there were some nice performances and they took out some of my cheese dialog in favor of facial expressions and the thought that the audience would know what was going on in their minds and it didn’t need to be wrapped up in a nice bow with expository dialog that explained everything. Brian and Allison, I applaud the scene but I’ve been going over different camera angles and positioning and have come up with a much better solution, so be prepared to get wet again. Sorry. Quite a lot to say when I thought nothing much happened. :)

P.S. I have to give a shout out to a star in the making that didn't get his debut yet, a blue-gel dildo with a suction cup base. His name is Arnold and there was much fun to be had with this $25 toy. It was the on-set stunt cock and was the cause for much laughter. It makes a lovely sound when dropped to the ground on its sucker. It has been suggested that Arnold be one of the "i"'s in Ungirlfriendable on the poster. It can also literally turn one into a dickhead when suction-cupped to the forehead. Tee hee.

February 6th, 2006

“Did you know radar guns cause testicular cancer, Officer No Balls?”

A relatively short shooting weekend it was. I believe we will be paying for that in the next two weekends. This weekend the camera was introduced to Juanita. She played the role of Juanita. How odd that she shares the same name as the character, you ask. I wrote the part for her as she is a friend of mine and would like a career in acting, so she got her chance. This is her first film to be involved with. The night before, she called and asked if she had to follow the dialog in the script word for word. Of course not! We rehearse on set and see what comes of it. If I like, which most of the time I do, we keep it. Her wonderful ad-lib was “Here’s your drink, pussy. Something to suck on.” It added some more color to the scene, and it was funny, plus it was another chance for the word “pussy” to be used. I’m not sure if the footage will be used, but Juanita broke out into some dance moves for the lesbian dance-off scene. It wasn’t choreographed ahead of time, so she just went with the flow. The one move that should get a nice laugh is the rubbing towel back and forth up in the crotch, sniffing it, showing disgusted face and tossing it aside. Ahh, good times.

I then ran into the day’s first overlap. Laura came back to do more Paula scenes and Jeff Runnels arrived to play the Cop that pulls over Murphy. It was my scheduling faux-pas, so my apologies. We went ahead and knocked out Jeff’s Cop scene first. Brian busted out with some nice improv, that being, “Did you know radar guns cause testicular cancer Officer No Balls?” Brian then brilliantly played the drunken smart-ass to a T. Hell came to town when it was time to chuck some pre-made vomit onto Jeff. In a pre-emptive email, Jeff expressed he could deal with the vomit on his clothes, just as long as it didn’t get on his face. The puke consisted of cream corn, pinto beans and oatmeal, mixed expertly by Brooke. The oatmeal thickened as it stewed with the other ingredients in the cans, so Brian came up with the plan to put it in a Styrofoam cup, add water and it was good to go. The camera rolled and the puke splattered the cop shirt brilliantly. Cut. Print. But no, I asked if anymore was in there so he could chuck a little more on the shirt. Instead, Brian sloshed it right nicely onto Jeff’s face! Unfortunately, the camera was below the chin and this was not caught on tape. L This prompted Jeff to scoop the vomit off his face and slop it on Brian. The fight was on. Puke ended up on several light stands, on the green screen(Grrrrrrrr!), all over the floor and a nice slop on the wall, courtesy of Mr. Wayne. Lovely.

We moved on to Laura getting it on with Murphy and removing her panties, of which she had two pairs on. As they were difficult to get off, I had her just put them on the ground. When the camera rolled and she went through the motions of panty removal, it looked exactly like she picked them up off the ground. Yay! We remedied that, went through the rest of the scene and awaited the arrival of Andrea, her first and only day of shooting with us. She played the live version of the magazine article that Murphy reads, wherein live action depicts how a dork is to go about picking up a woman and “getting a piece.” She came in not knowing any of us, except for Jon, who recommended her as she came in to audition for his feature that he’s starting up next month. We quickly dove into the scene and soon Murphy was doing his trademark bump and grind to an actress that expressed her being uncomfortable as soon as she applied her make-up. I’m sure we made her feel right at home by jumping into the scene and getting pumped by a hairy ape. She did add the nice slapping Brian with his own glasses bit. Andrea was a good sport and I thank her for coming out on such short notice.

Now the fun began. We went out to our first actual location, Allison’s apartment complex. Allison had only a few hours before having to meet some people, so what did I do, I shot a scene with Christie and Brian. Christie joins us again, as she was involved with the trailer, playing Murphy’s sister. This time around she plays Andrea’s sister, so I guess I was determined to fit her in the role of sibling. And this time around, instead of comforting her brother, she gets to punch and kick the ex-friend of her sister. The phrase “cum chordling dick swinger” didn’t quite roll off of Christie’s tongue, so we had to redo that line. I had her change it to Brian’s on set name, “faggot cum dumpster.” We are really not going to sit well with the gay community for all the bashing we do in this movie. Guess we won’t be getting into any gay film festivals. The scene went well, but we couldn’t get to Brian’s close-up as Brooke was sent off into a town she didn’t know to get Karo syrup and red dye. As time was running out, Brooke got back after her near-brush with assault by a man being chased by the police.

It was now time for Brian to plug in a toaster and jump into the complex’s pool. I would say the temperature outside was roughly 60 degrees, so that water was going to be damn cold. I got a close-up of Murphy’s monologue and then went wide and Brian dove straight back for a lovely back splat into the pool. Brian got a warm reception from the small crowd that had gathered due to the fact that we were plugged into an outlet in a nearby apartment, so they were intrigued by the scene. I then had Brian float face down in the water and it was Allison’s turn to get cold. She ran right in with a very convincing scream, “Murphy!” pulled him up and I had to have them end up out of the pool, so they got to the side and we just have to finish that scene in front of the green screen.

I called it a night and retired back to Lago Vista to try and get some sleep. Before doing so I had to hang up the green screen longways for the shoot in the morning. Communication was an issue with Sunday’s players. Katrina arrived at 9am, so we were able to get her one shot and close-up, but Cody hadn’t received word that he was needed at 9, so we didn’t see him for several hours. I’ll put most of the blame on me for getting Cody to come in on such short notice. I do apologize to Katrina who got there so early and was stuck out there waiting, when she could have picked up her man, who was stranded at work with no ride home, so I apologize to her man as well. We got through the fake movie within the movie and I got to see some awesome cheesy acting. It was actually almost too good cheese. Cody and Katrina have some skills and I had to squander them in some fake crap Hollywood movie knock-off. It came off quite well though. I just hope I can do it justice in post.

The day ended there and it was time to clean up and then nap-time, which was amazing! I got a three-hour nap in before having to head back up to Dallas. I’m much better for it today. Next weekend is jam-packed and I really hope everyone can make and we’ll get this thing done!

January 30th, 2006

“Scare some out of the bushes, like quail hunting…”

Weekend no. 3 down. We’re barreling through the best we can. I believe I got the number of pages I wanted this weekend. Four actors bailed. One had car trouble, two just out right didn’t show up and I still haven’t heard from them and the other one had an elaborate story involving chemical burns. I managed to shuffle a few things around and get other shots done. The main thing that sucked this weekend was the fact that I left my tripods in Dallas. My Manfrotto super bad-ass tripod was sitting in my garage missing out on catching nice fluid shots for my film. Instead, I made a 3 a.m. trip to Wal-Mart to get a $30 tripod, the only one they had, and it was the worst piece of turd ever. If I had a shot with movement in it, forget about it, it was jerky and unsteady and one time the camera nearly made impact with concrete from about four feet up. Luckily, my cat-like reflexes allowed me to snatch the falling small fortune in my capable hands. Needless to say, in times between shots, the camera rested on the ground. This weekend also introduced us to opening the garage door to let air in. This experiment resulted in two near deaths of equipment. In one instance, a device caught on something. The second time, Brooke saw the Tota light tumbling towards Allison’s head and she caught it with her quickness.

Unfortunately, there was a casualty of a set prop, Toni’s futon. This occurred during the filming of the “fantasy threesome scene.” Lucy Jones was quite the sport and took the scene in stride. Everyone was clothed, mind you. The scene called for Murphy to be making out with Lucy in a bed and Skyler was to walk into the scene and join in on the action. Brandon, playing Skyler, decided to come into the scene, see them making out, quickly remove his shirt, shoes and pants, partially, and then make a nice-looking horizontal leap into the bed and start in on the action. After Brandon made the leap, the headboard started to falter, unbeknown to the actors and the crew watched as the bed went tumbling backwards along with the actors. No one was injured, except maybe from laughter.

More hilarity ensued from a short scene that Brandon once again took to the umpteenth level. For some reason, I decided I wanted the whole take in a wide shot. With each successive take, Brandon would add a new layer, just one little sentence and I was the one that kept screwing up the takes. After the 5th take or so, I was asked to just turn on the camera and leave the room. What set me off was “quail hunting.” Skyler went off on another tangent involving his favorite word, “gash.” He said he was going to scare up some gash for Murphy out of the bushes, kinda like quail hunting. Don’t know what it was about that, but I was gone. The blame then goes to Brian for busting up a scene later that night. It was a simple scene. Skyler picks up Murphy at the prison. They exchange some dialog as Skyler tries to ease Murphy’s mind about how the DWI won’t be so bad. We got through the scene a few times, with ease, with no flourishes on the dialog. I decided I wanted a bit more funny in the scene. My direction to Brandon was simple, do the scene the same, but give me some road rage. Lucky for me, I got to turn the camera on and step back. Brian wasn’t so lucky. Between being sincere and trying to cheer up Murphy, Skyler would intermittently scream out an obscenity to drivers on the road, and as sick as Brian was, he couldn’t hold it (his laughter) in on every single take. It was a good shooting day and it was highly entertaining. I’m just hoping all this humor will come out in the end product. I’m guessing it will.

As usual, I’d like to thank all the actors for showing up, Leya Czopek, Lucy Jones, Elizabeth Bell, JT Campos and Mike Colin (who took a last minute script change role and did a nice job in a non-speaking role, considering he’s not an actor and has stepped in as misc. crew a few days now). An even bigger thanks goes to the principals, Brian, Brandon and Allison. Brandon is coming in from Houston and Brian and Allison are taking off from work to do what they’re passionate about. Allison was sick the previous weekend, and due to the making out scenes, she passed it on to Brian who had it this weekend. They did more making out and now Allison is probably going to get it back. It was Allison’s idea to now pass it on to someone outside of our film group so we can get rid of the bug. I also hope Allison is fine after she took on the task of holding a headboard up with her back after the futon bit the dust. To barrel through is our motto. And if it’s broke, it “taint” going to fix itself.

January 24th, 2006

“Deep sea balloon knotting in the cave of wonderment…”

Second weekend of shooting complete! That’s four days of shooting marked off the calendar. Yay! We got through twelve pages, as an early guess-timate. We accomplished the longest shooting day so far, 17 hours! My new camera was introduced to Brandon Dolgner, as Skyler Fortune and Laura Ornelas, as Paula Shimmer. They both came on board and quickly became a member of this production’s family. I have to give props to Laura, as she jumped right in and dealt the best she could with having to feign sex, in undergarments, with Brian no less. If I were to step back and look at it from a female’s perspective, I guess I might receive the movie as a major raunchy, sexually depraved flick. I came to this conclusion as Brandon said “sticky slit” at least four times from each angle and set-up, probably having him saying on tape at least sixteen times, not to mention “gash” and gesturing with his fingers. I would say it’s a bit crude, but when someone sees the film, they will only here those words once.

I’m so exhausted from the weekend that I took a nap for lunch break here at work and one whole hour went by in a snap, like I zapped forward in time one whole hour feeling no different. With the exception of Saturday, I feel I got everyone in and out in a timely manner. As the shoot progresses, the schedule will get tighter and more together. It’s the beginning and it’s going to be rocky. The footage is looking great and the performances are grounding me. We had a bulb blow out on one of my lights that had only been used a total of 20 hours, maybe, and Jon came through in getting some replacement bulbs, even though the place was closed, we got them to leave them in a hiding place for us, so a big thanks goes to Olden Lighting.

From my estimate, we shot about 20 pages in two days, in about 27 hours total. Gonna shoot for another 15 pages this coming weekend. I hope everyone can make it.

January 16th, 2006

Just a quick upload here for everyone who might be questioning the look of the film. This a hugely compressed video of scene in the movie that I have replaced green screen in and will give you a short sampling of what is to come. The backgrounds will actually be filmed, some with activity going on, some still and some will be drawn over for an even more comic strip effect. Enjoy!

January 9th, 2006

First weekend of shooting, done! We were able to shoot through about 10 pages of script this past weekend. It is all being shot in the garage of Toni, a friend of mine I met in LA, whom just so happens to have gone to the same film school as me. In case anyone keeps up with this diary or looks at the site, every actor that shows up for production needs to sign a waiver stating they will not hold Toni liable if anything happens at her house, and to not feed or let her dogs out. Just wanted to bring that up as I'd like to continue to shoot at that location. I have to give props to Foster Davis, who brought his "A" game and made the character of Finius Hardknuckle better than I could have hoped for. Brian was fabulous as usual and played very nicely off of Foster's vibe. I also want to thank Rosa and Rob for coming out, doing their thing and bringing life to otherwise one-dimensional characters. Last but not least, Allison impressed me by altering her personality just by putting on glasses, putting her hair in pig tails and wearing a goofy outfit I picked up at Goodwill.

The garage gets uncomfortably warm when all the lights are on, but this may turn out to be a good thing as a cold front just came in everyone might enjoy the heat. The view from Toni's back porch is amazing and it's within walking distance to Lake Travis. If anyone is so inclined, there is a disc golf course by the lake. The shoot itself was relatively painless and went smoother than anticipated. I want to make sure the following actors are available on January 21st and 22nd: Brian Wayne, Allison Arnold(Andrea), Brandon Dolgner(Skyler), Laura Ornelas(Paula) and Christie Gonzalez(Bertha).

Not to leave anyone out, my girlfriend Brooke held boom and cleaned up after everyone, against her will. Jon Brown also held boom, so thank you as well. Here's to continued success in the production of this film. Yay!

Get SIDES here!

Backyard Films Presents’ latest project, Ungirlfriendable, is a romantic farce following an unlikely hero, Murphy Grayson, on his quest for love and acceptance. Unwittingly the recipient of special powers, he overcomes his fear of rejection to become successful both in love and his professional endeavors. His triumph is undermined by the sacrifices made of those closest to him. Murphy’s antics are well-meaning at best but more often depict a young man lacking both polish and tact. He fumbles through relationships with various women, his best friend and the girl he never realized was perfect for him. A hilarious tale of a young man’s second coming of age, wherein the loser gets to finally win. Ungirlfriendable is intended for male and female audiences ages 15 and over. Currently in production, the promotional trailer will showcase the film as a solid entity to garner the interest of investors and distributors. Principal photography is slated to begin in January of 2006 with a projected release date in the Fall of 2006.

___________________________________________________________________

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED - 12/20/05

We got through our second round of auditions. The cast is in place minus extras here and there. The shoot is set to officially start on January 7th, commencing with office scenes that involve Finius Hardknuckle, being played by Foster Davis, who will be in town for the holidays and will partake in two days of shooting, and then scoot on back to New York to pursue real acting gigs. For those of you keeping up with the site, Suit Woman and Suit Man will also be needed for part of that day.

The movie is now being shot with the Sony HDR-FX1, their new HDV camera, which shoots High Definition in its own way, lots of compression, but I'm hearing more good things than bad. We'll be one of the first to shoot an entire feature with this camera, I believe. Jon Brown has taken over duties as Producer. More info can be found out about him on the "About Us" page. The movie is rolling along, but there are still many road bumps to overcome throughout the rest of the shoot. It's about time to make us a movie!

NEW DEVELOPMENTS - 10/03/05

Megan has left the project due to creative differences. I'm in talks with new producers and am on the verge of finding one. Locked away in my head is the visual style I would like to create for the film. I will soon start doing some tests to see if I can achieve it and once that is done I will set about how to do it on set. It will involve blue screen or green screen and it will lend the film a very unique look. I'm excited about it. Recently, I pulled in all the footage for the movie, including auditions and the cast read-thru and assembled a 2 hour cut of the film using that footage along with storyboards and still photos. The end result is less than spectacular but it is quite cool to see the whole thing put together. I have created a DVD and will make a copy and send it out to anyone who wants a copy, but it would certainly be cool if I could get $5 sent to me for postage and cost of the DVD. I also created the DVD artwork which you can download and print out and put in your very own DVD case. I would print those out, but my printer is so slow and ink is VERY expensive and there is alot of black in the art. Just click the link below to get the full size image to print(Don't worry about how big it looks on your screen, it will print out on a normal size page, and FYI, it looks really great if you print it out on photo paper!).

DVD Box Cover Art

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEW JOB, NEW SCRIPT, NEW STARTING SHOOT DATE - 08/01/05

I'm sure the handful of people who keep up with this page and the progress of this film are wondering what is going on. I have just about completed cutting the scenes together that were shot for the trailer. I shot complete scenes of a few key scenes in the film. My overall plan with those scenes is to put them in order and make a multimedia presentation of the film, using storyboards, stills, voice overs and footage from rehearsals, auditions and the cast read-thru. You will just about have the full movie done in an interesting manner. I am going to try to include everyone in this version that participated. If you would like a copy of the finished DVD, I will send one along to you. I have also completed the 3rd and final draft of the screenplay. Brian made a suggestion to me recently and someone else mentioned yet something else that I will incorporate into the script as well, but for now, this 3rd draft is what we will be shooting. The start date keeps getting pushed back because I am waiting for money to fall into place and not wanting to rush into anything. For those of you sticking with us through this long process, I thank you and you will be rewarded with a great film that you can say you participated in. And the other thing was that I landed a decent gig as a video editor for an internet company in Dallas. Sweet!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Get your red hot footage from the trailer right here, raw and uncut.

Some stills pulled directly from the footage.

See the poster progress from images to Hollywood art.

Read where it all began...

Previous postings.